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Winter Wonder Whatever

February 7, 2011

Okay people it’s time for this weather to wrap it up. And it’s not because of the shoveling or the shlepping or the constant cold and damp. It’s because I’m like some faintly pathetic, quasi ugly duckling in my third floor garret desperately trying on outfits to feel cute in this dank and dreary season! But all I have to work with are the same 2 pairs of boots that can handle this weather and not disintegrate amongst the salt and slush. It’s driving me fucking crazy!!!

Let me start my Cinderella story from the beginning. Hey listen, despite tomboy tendencies – I’m like any other girl – sometimes I want to look nice and groomed and pulled together. I realized I’d reached a nadir when on Friday I went up to my parents place for dinner in an outfit where I looked like a 15 year old on HIS way to band practice.

So this weekend I decided to do my nails. I haven’t done them. And generally TRY to get it together a bit.  So while the rest of the world is hunkered down watching that molester Roethlisberger (Jewish?) toss around the pigskin, I confined myself like tubercular patient in my enclave and created this seriously marvelous outfit.

Problem was it’s wholly dependent on these pair of boots – ones I bought during my manic episode from last post – which I can’t remotely wear in this weather. And like – is this outfit even going to be hip once this weather clears? It could be MONTHS that I’m sitting on this outfit.  Because I’m telling you right now – if this outfit doesn’t get aired – it’s going to be like a major opus never published, or Beethoven’s lost symphony never played, or whatever – we’re talking MASTERPIECE PEOPLE.

So anyways – as I stewed in frustration I had a marginal epiphany – and since all my epiphanies are self-serving – I was QUITE pleased.

Sometimes, especially after I’ve essentially GORGED myself on shoes in an orgy or purchasing, I think how nice it would be to return to a time of minimalism. Instead of a glut of shoes – I’d just have like – I dunno what’s reasonable? 10 pairs? All so pitch perfect that I wouldn’t need anything else.

They’d never go out of style. One of them would always go absolutely dead-on with whatever I was wearing – I would never need any others. And I would have this sense of space and serenity without the clutter – a kind of streamlined efficiency that was beautiful unto itself. Minimalism yo. And  I’d rock the moral superiority that went  with it – arching an eyebrow in the face of everyone else’s BASE materialism.

Back to the epiphany. It was: Yeah,  I can’t hack this minimalism shit.  I mean – winter throws it all into such  sharp relief – because unless you want to ruin most of your shoes – you have to stick to the ones that can survive the wretched elements. And don’t get me wrong I like my boots that I can and do wear – but honestly – quelle boredom.

Day after day. The monotony. The epic sameness. It’s a real reminder of why I have so many FUCKING shoes in the first place. Because in the carousel that is my shoe collection is the promise of every day being a new day. Of choice. Of freedom. Of the pursuit of being satisfied every single moment about what’s on my feet. About not having to settle or compromise – whether it’s my oldest, rattiest sneakers or my swankiest new boots – what I see when I look down – is always what I want to see. It’s about the basic principles of life,  liberty, and the rights of the individual.

But then we still have the weather – and there’s nothing to be done for it but grind it out. And because I’m  a Canadian and natural crank, I love complaining about the snow and cold and the depth of my misery in said conditions. But I’m telling you this right now – when the thaw comes and the ice age is over – I’ll fulfil my civic duty and perpetuate the democratic tenets through my credit card. God save the Queen.

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